A short wedding homily

Friends, family, and most of all, you two standing here today: welcome to one of the happiest days God gives us on this earth. Now, I want to start with something small. Everyone in this room has stood in a kitchen at some point and watched somebody load a dishwasher wrong. You know what I mean. There's a right way, which is your way, and then there's what they just did. And in that moment you learn something about yourself. You learn how much distance there really is between two people, even two people who love each other very much. Because that's the truth nobody puts on a wedding invitation. There is distance between us. Not distance of affection, but distance of habit, of temperament, of how we were raised, of what we notice and what we never notice. Marriage doesn't erase that distance. Marriage moves you close enough to see it clearly. And that's why God gave us these words. Listen to them again: Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Notice where it begins. Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). Not love is thrilling. Not love is effortless. Patient. Which means love assumes there will be something to be patient about. So here is my first word to you. Love is patient with who the other person actually is, not who you hoped they'd become. You did not marry a project. You married a person, a real one, with a temper or a slowness or a silence you haven't fully met yet. And Paul says love doesn't seek its own way (1 Corinthians 13:5). That's the whole battle right there. Most fights in a marriage are not about the dishes. They're about my way winning. So here's something concrete: this week, and then next month, and then in year twenty, when you feel that flare of irritation rising, ask one question before you speak. Ask, "Am I trying to win, or am I trying to love?" That single question, asked ten thousand times over a lifetime, will build you a home. Second: love believes the best, and keeps choosing. Paul says love takes no account of evil (1 Corinthians 13:5). It doesn't keep the ledger. It doesn't bring up the thing from three Christmases ago. And then he says love believes all things, hopes all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). That means when your husband is short with you, you assume he's tired before you assume he's cruel. When your wife goes quiet, you assume she's carrying something before you assume she's punishing you. That's not naive. That's covenant. A covenant is a promise that outlasts the feeling. Feelings come and go like weather. The promise stays. So make this practical: forgive quickly and specifically. Say the actual words, "I was wrong, forgive me." Don't let a night pass with a wall in your house. And third, the most important thing I'll say today. You cannot do any of this on your own strength. Read that list again and you'll notice something. Patient, kind, not proud, not provoked, bears all things, endures all things. That's not a description of us. That's a description of Jesus Christ. That is the love that went to a cross for people who were not patient and were not kind. So the grace you'll need to give each other, you have to receive first. Every morning you'll need to stand before God as someone forgiven, not someone impressive. And forgiven people are the only ones who can really forgive. That's God's part in this marriage, and it's the biggest part. He is not a guest at this wedding. He is the third strand in the cord. So today you make a promise. And every day after, God supplies what the promise costs. Let's pray. Father, thank You for this man and this woman. Teach them patience, teach them kindness, teach them to forgive fast and hold on long. When their love runs thin, fill it up with Yours. Keep them close to You and close to each other, all their days. In Jesus' name, amen.